I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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