Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Will exercising make me less horny?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
