jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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