so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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