Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
