I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
