bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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