Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
