I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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