Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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