Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize