Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
