you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
