This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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