remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
