So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Randomize
