She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
