You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Boobs speak an international language.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
