life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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