Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
