the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize