either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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