You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The struggles of a small town man whore
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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