I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She bit a glass in half.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
