I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
