just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
