idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize