She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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