...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize