So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
