I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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