Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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