Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
