3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
