My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Randomize
