Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
