We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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