When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
