Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
