The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Drunk is a universal language darling
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