i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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