I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize