i may or may not be watching the land before time
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
