I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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