All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
i think im in europe. pls send help
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
