Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
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