The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
