she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
