So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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