Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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