never play flip cup with pint glasses
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
you made out with another girl for some wings
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
