I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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