Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
