Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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