just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
