Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
she smelled like a LAN party
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
