I love black thongs
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
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