He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize