Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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