If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize