Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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