This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I puked a lego.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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