my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
