my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
