Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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