# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
