do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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