so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
