The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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