what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
