I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize