I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
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