Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
