They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
