WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
wow bdsm is so cute
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
