fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Randomize
