did you get engaged???
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
