I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
