It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
