I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Randomize
