can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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