You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
