things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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