moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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