Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
