I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
