I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
