Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I forget how to act sober
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
