it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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