I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
