The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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