i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just found puke in my bra..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
