I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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