i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
