You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
