At least make sure they are 18
Why
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
vagina is talking i cant
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Randomize
