I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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