Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
