I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Randomize
