Umm I'm too high to move.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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