She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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