were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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