I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
