Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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