Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Randomize
