Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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