this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize