Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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