you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
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