Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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